Does anyone really know themselves

Materials on this website are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on this website. Read our full disclaimer here. Cite This. Scott Trettenero, , July Do You Really Know Yourself?.

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What Is Pain Management? Can Antidepressants Cause Psychosis? Coping Mentally and Physically with Getting Older. They know what makes them sad and what makes them happy. They know that their minds have a tendency to wander or that they're generally optimistic or pessimistic.

These are the things that we know about ourselves that others may not. There are some traits, however, that people can't judge accurately when it comes to themselves, such as intelligence, creativity and attractiveness [source: Washington University in St. Louis ]. Most of us would like to be brilliant and good-looking, and it's either too hard for people to admit that they've fallen short of the ideal, or they lack the self-esteem to see that they meet or exceed it.

People can't accurately judge whether they possess these traits because the traits are so desirable, and we all have a vested interest in being the best. Other people, however, have the distance to make objective pronouncements about another person's intelligence or creativity. It's much easier to say that your friend is a beautiful dummy or an average-looking brainiac than to consider whether you are. Such a statement about a friend doesn't threaten your self-esteem or rewrite your perceptions of yourself.

And that's what many of us have: perceptions. We have ideas of how we'd like to be -- an extroverted life of the party, a witty flirt, a quiet but thoughtful scholar -- and we try to present that image to the world. There are many paths to knowing yourself. Personality tests. Behavior analysis. Sometimes, you can simply ask the people who know you best. As a child, I was shy and judgmental, afraid to talk to others while simultaneously convinced that no one knew the real me.

When I was fifteen, the opportunity to test this belief appeared in the form of an internet survey. Psychologists developed the Johari window in the s in hopes of helping patients gain self-awareness.

You send the link to your friends, who do the same without seeing your answers first. The resulting window shows how much overlap there is between your answers and those of others. What do others see in you that may come as a surprise? At fifteen, I completed one of these surveys, sent it around to friends, looked at their answers, then forgot them for a decade. Recently, I filled out the survey again and sent it to the most important people in my life now. The site keeps track of every entry as long as you input the right username, so I resolved to find that much-earlier version.

And then one did, and I was evaluating a previous version of myself, perfectly frozen in time. In a commencement address , Nora Ephron described a game she liked to play: Write the five truest things about yourself, repeat over time, see how they change. I had been introverted then. I had been self-conscious. While I have changed, I had known two of the most important things all along. I am here to tell you that they are wrong.

It is truly delightful to discover a post your ex wrote about you—asking strangers for advice, no less! When the first person I loved and I broke up, we hated each other.