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Infidelity: Mending your marriage after an affair Infidelity causes intense emotional pain, but an affair doesn't have to mean the end of your marriage. By Mayo Clinic Staff. Thank you for Subscribing Our Housecall e-newsletter will keep you up-to-date on the latest health information.
Please try again. Something went wrong on our side, please try again. Show references Infidelity. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Accessed April 2, Online infidelity. Scott SB, et al. Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education.
Couple Family Psychology. Mao A, et al. Online infidelity: The new challenges to marriages. Some of those men are fathers. And while fantasizing about infidelity is far more commonplace than actual cheating, it does happen. Recent studies suggest that roughly 20 percent of married men have sex outside their marriage. So why do men cheat?
Drunken evenings with an old friend evolve into a one-night stand; a late night with a coworker turns into something more; a lonely guy on a business trip seeks companionship. Another truth: Men have varying levels of remorse and guilt after cheating, whether their partners know anything about their affairs or not. Sometimes, when a man feels guilty for cheating, he is being eaten away. He feels deep remorse and regret. Other times, he lives guilt-free, and sees the cheating as a necessary catalyst for change or something that, well, just happened.
Multitudes, man. To get a better idea about the guilt and other complex feelings that surround cheating, we spoke to various dads who have cheated on their wives. Some of the men here felt fleeting remorse for their infractions; others experienced more anxiety about their partners finding out about the affair than truly feeling guilty for cheating.
Some had no regrets about the cheating whatsoever. All helped illustrate the variety of emotions that take place when one decides to be unfaithful. David told us he had never been faithful in a single relationship in his life. He even cheated on his wife before they got married.
He immediately checked into a halfway house and has since made serious steps to achieve sex addiction sobriety, which includes weekly therapy and step-style models. The vast majority said that, aside from not getting their sexual needs met, they felt they had pretty good lives with good men. Weiner-Davis says that difference is not borne out in her practice, however. Such was the case with Lawrence, the woman who chose to cheat on her husband after enduring his numerous affairs.
Eventually, Lawrence started checking his phone and found what she thought was proof of multiple affairs. Her husband, she says, trivialized the messages. While there is little data on whether men or women are more likely to opt for dissolution when they are the cheating partner, Munsch theorizes that, because women tend to have more emotional affairs while men tend to stray strictly for sex, women are more likely to want a divorce.
Lawrence chose to have an affair with a man who she felt loved her for who she was. After the relationship was exposed to her husband, the affair ended badly, she says. Although the couple stayed together for a few more months, Lawrence got an attorney when she learned that her husband was having another affair.
After six years of marriage and within a year of her infidelity, Lawrence filed for divorce. One thing is true: Many women find themselves experiencing infidelity, whether they are the betrayed or the betrayer. But social stigma keeps a lot of them from talking about it. In the end, Walker says, communication may be the crux of the issue in instances of infidelity. She says the biggest takeaway from her research is that couples need to have more conversations before reaching the tipping point.
Jill Coody Smits is a freelance writer focusing on health, psychology and human rights. Skip to content Marriage.
Maria Alconada Brooks. Jill Coody Smits.
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